Discipline: Adding Rules & Discipline To Your BDSM Relationship, by Lily Lloyd

NOTE:  Unfortunately the title itself seems to be unavailable through Amazon.  There are reviews all over the net, but where can one purchase this book?  I'm not sure.  I would like to offer any readers who ask, a copy of this book on PDF.  I will not take payment for this.  If the publishers would like to contact me regarding this, please do so, as I have tried to contact them regarding purchase information without success.   Please use the comment section below.

Description from Amazon.com:  

Have you been trying BDSM in the bedroom, but you're curious about spreading the connection and passion you've found there to the rest of your life?

Does the word "strict" turn you on? Intrigued by a discipline dynamic?

Or did you start out with a lot of rules and good intentions only to find that it didn't work out?

There are lots of books about how to tie a knot or swing a flogger -- but Discipline is about building a kinky relationship that works.

Discipline: Adding Rules & Discipline To Your BDSM Relationship will show you how to build rules together that are hot, sexy, and enhance your relationship. 

Amazon no longer appears to list this title.  The author's blog, http://theblackleatherbelt.com, also appears to be missing.  Does anyone have any info on this mystery?

Description can be found at Goodreads.com.

- How kinky?
Well, it's about power exchange within BDSM relationships.  So there's an assumed amount of kink there.  The book itself is mostly about rules and discipline (surprise, surprise), so I suppose it depends on what you define as kinky.

- How sexy?
This one isn't, because it's more or less a self-help book. That in no way diminishes its brilliance.

- How informative?
Very.  This is where we really get going.  This book is AMAZING.  I have been in the lifestyle for over ten years and I learned a lot from this book.  Not that I'm the most knowledgable player on the block - I might be somewhere in the middle? - but this book has so much to teach those of us who have a tendency to think, Maybe I know this stuff already.  Nope!  And even if you do, it never hurts to refresh the basic lessons - humility, dignity, self-improvement.

- How engaging?
Very.  I read parts of it while at work, and hated to have to put it down again!  The quality of the info and the standard of the writing really make you want to know what topics are going to be covered next, and what the author has to say about them.  Even her phrasing made me think of things in a new light - I highlighted quite a few passages in this book for later review.

- How well executed?
Brilliant.  As I mentioned, the quality of this book is really high.  The author is clearly very intelligent, and knows her stuff - even if just through her own experiences.  The University of Life is more important than any degree, and this author shows us that experience, and mistakes, are some of the best teachers for this lifestyle.
 
- Overall reaction
Fantastic.  I have added it to the Key Kit, as I believe it is a seminal text in its niche.  If you have any interest in discipline as a lifestyle, from any perspective, read this.  It's wonderful.

Five cocks!

 

Ask me for this book if:

• You are attempting to add a D/s dynamic to a burgeoning relationship, or if you think yourself/your Dom or sub needs to brush up on the basics.
• You feel you might be in need of some study material in the field of discipline, submission or even just how to live in a relationship with rules.

Contact me to obtain this book on PDF or ePUB: 

dirtyfilthybookslut at gmail dot com 

(no payment will be accepted)

 

My Other Self: Sexual fantasies, fetishes and kink, by Dr Angela Lewis

Description from Amazon.com: 

After four years of researching digital dungeons and online communities, social researcher and author Dr. Angela Lewis emerges with a book brimming with information about sexual deviations practised everywhere - from exotic purpose built playpens to the most ordinary of suburban bedrooms.

MY OTHER SELF is an intrepid anthology of the secret and sometimes bizarre sexual lives quietly practised by millions of everyday people. As these ordinary folk tell their stories it becomes obvious that the world of kinky sex is far from the exclusive domain of rock stars, movie goddesses and politicians.

By relying on the anonymity provided by the internet, Dr. Lewis was able (to) reach an extraordinary level of cooperation with the people she interviewed. Their detailed testimonials make My Other Self a unique piece of social research unparalled in its category, providing a wealth of information to those who may be curious about what goes on behind closed doors.

This provocative book explores the secret lives of those enjoying an array of sexual deviations: from leather, teeth, diapers and long fingernails, to spanking and hairy armpits. As well as real-life stories and insights, it contains explanatory background information, links to related interests, jargon and search terms and is easy for the reader to dip in and out and move around.

Recommended by the counselling community, MY OTHER SELF is much more than just another book about erotica as it seeks to establish a much needed dialogue around society's understanding and acceptance of alternative sexual interests. 

Amazon lists this title as being available in paperback and Kindle format.  I read it on my Kindle.

- How kinky?

Well, it’s a book about kinks!  It is literally an investigation of paraphilias, from acrotomophilia to zoophilia. 

- How sexy?

There’s no sex in here.  It’s more like an encyclopaedia.

- How informative?

Extremely!  I learnt so much from this book.  There are fetishes in here I didn’t even know about!  And of the ones I already knew existed, I learnt details about them that were completely new to me.  Dr Lewis is very thorough, and comes across as completely non-judgmental.  She even has jargon legends, cross-references and suggested search terms.  The personal accounts by interviewees added another dimension to a book that could have been a bit one-sided otherwise.

- How engaging?

Well, more than a general encyclopaedia, but less than a novel.  It is naturally in sections, a few pages for each fetish, so it’s easy to put down and pick up again.  Difficult to read from cover to cover as it can get a bit dry.  However I pushed through to the end because there was so much in here I wanted to learn about!

- How well executed?

Very.  Not extraordinarily, mainly because it had a few inconsistencies.  For example, some of her See Also terms should have been Search terms, and vice-versa.  Also, she added safety warnings onto some of the more dangerous kinks, but not all the dangerous ones.  I felt it should really have been all or none in that sense. 

- Negatives?

Mainly just the inconsistency.  I would have liked to recommend this book as a comprehensive encyclopaedia of kink and fetish.  I still do, but it’s not perfect. 

- Overall reaction

I loved it.  It is a fantastic reference for curious kinksters, fetish writers, beginners looking to learn more about our world, and anyone who doesn’t have a degree in Kinkology.  Be prepared to be surprised, learn a lot and have your mind pried wide open! 

4.5 cocks!

 

  

Buy this book if:

• You like to learn, and want to learn more about all the various kinks that make up this world of ours. 
• You want to have an encyclopaedic reference on hand to look up some of the kinks you hear about while in the lifestyle.
• You have just recently happened upon this veritable banquet of kinks, and need a menu to decide what dishes to try next! 

  

Conquer Me, by Kacie Cunningham

Description from Amazon.com:

Submissive women have needs just like anybody else. But how can a woman get her needs met when she's relinquished her power to her dominant partner? With warmth, wisdom and a down-to-earth approach, experienced submissive Kacie Cunningham analyzes the realities of the dominant-submissive lifestyle and suggests ways in which both partners can experience the greatest possible growth and pleasure. At the heart of the book is an emotion Kacie has dubbed "Conquer Me" -- which she defines as "the submissive's internal demand for a show of strength." Without a clear understanding of "conquer me," both submissive and dominant may find themselves at odds -- either fighting unhappily, or watching the passion ebb from their relationship. This book explains this unique need and how to get it met -- essential knowledge for any submissive or couple who wants to get the most out of their D/s lifestyle.

Amazon lists this title as being available in paperback and Kindle formats.  I read it on my Kindle.

- How kinky?

Well, yes, it's about D/s.  But there's no sex in here, so it depends what you deem kinky.  Cunningham does try to bring every discussion back to D/s as often as possible.  Even in the chapters on "vanilla" subjects, like communication, and interpersonal relations, she brings it all around again and shows you how it's done in a D/s context.

- How sexy?

There's no sex in here.  This is a book written from the point of view of a romantically involved subbie, but she doesn't go into the BDSM side of things.

- How informative?

Very!  I found myself highlighting passages on my Kindle just because they were so eloquent and succinct.  I am even planning to go through and write some of these gems up onto post-its, and using them as daily affirmations/meditations.  True, the book covers basic ground, but it's such basic ground that even the most experienced couple will find something they've forgotten, or something crucial that is worded in such a way as to strike a real chord with them.  It's really an amazing self-help book for subbies and D/s couples.

- How engaging?

Very.  As I said, I learned so much that I always wanted to pick it back up so I could see what Cunningham would cover next.

- How well executed?

Very.  Cunningham is clearly a talented writer.  As mentioned, she writes eloquently and beautifully, and puts her points across in such a way that she is always understood.  She uses a quite conversational style, and brings her own personality into her writing, so that she doesn't ever sound like a stuffy psycho-babble self-help "guru".  She just sounds like your older, more experienced slave-sister, helping you along with things you didn't even realise needed clarification.

- Negatives?

The subtitle. Got to be honest here - the subtitle is awful.  Seriously - girl-to-girl wisdom about fulfilling your submissive desires?  Sounds like a D/s Cosmo magazine article.  I actually bought this title ages ago, and put off reading it because the subtitle was so awful, I thought the book would be awful too.  Please don't let it put you off!  It was probably the publisher's idea - or that's what I choose to believe anyway.

- Overall reaction

Great book, well written, clear, concise and intelligent. Covers a lot of ground that is really basic stuff for D/s relationships - really a lot of "vanilla" stuff, if you like - so that's the only reason I'm marking it down.

Four cocks! 

 

Buy this book if:

• You are a sub or a Dom interested in, or already in, a romantic relationship-based D/s dynamic, and wondering what kinds of D/s-specific issues can occur.
• If you're having issues with your existing D/s relationship, and finding "vanilla" relationship books aren't providing enough, or relevant information.

Living M/s, by Dan and dawn Williams

Description from Amazon.com:

This book is a valuable resource for those interested in real-time Total Power Exchange Relationships. Dan and dawn share the reality behind the lifestyle that so many only fantasize about.

This is a book based on the experience of a couple, who has been living together as Master and slave for well over a decade and covers such topics as: challenges of living as a M/s couple; building your own M/s dynamic; changing terminology; the communities of M/s and BDSM and how they dance together (and apart); styles of D/s and M/s; Ms and polyamory; leather; orchestrating situations with multiple slaves, as well as many other topics.

Amazon lists this title as being available in paperback and Kindle format.  I read it on my Kindle. 

- How kinky?
Very.  This book is all about the relationship side of kink - in short, TPE, or Total Power Exchange.  The participants are also into kinky sex, but they don't go into that in the book.  This book is basically a very broad primer for kinky relationship styles, and specifically TPE.

- How sexy?
Well, it's sexy to me, but that's subjective!  As I mentioned, they don't go into sex in more than a few here-and-there sentences, so no, it's not sexy/sexual in nature.

- How informative?
Extremely! I loved how much detail they went into, in regards to their own relationship, and even anecdotes about other relationships, when their own couldn't provide the examples they needed to illustrate a point.  The authors covered ground in this book that they themselves no longer had to deal with, so it very much covered more bases than you could reasonably expect for a couple speaking only from personal or close-to-personal experience.  I found it wonderfully enlightening on many topics.

- How engaging?
Weeell ... I always read books cover to cover, one at a time, unless it's terrible (which this book is not).  So I did finish it in about three days, and I did enjoy reading it and learning about the lives of the authors.  I wouldn't exactly call this book un-put-downable, but every time I had to stop reading, I couldn't wait to get back to it and find out what I would learn next.  So, yes, fairly engaging.

- How well executed?
Rather well written.  Dan and dawn have their own voices throughout the book, clearly defined by the intros "Dan says" and "dawn says".  The book is split into very handy, quite short chapters, so it's easy to find ones that relate to you (M/s in a Vanilla World) and skip over topics that don't (M/s and Polyamory, for instance).  Combining these two methods of splitting the information into vital, bitesize chunks was a tool I found extremely handy when digesting all that the book had to teach me.  There is a lot of information there, but because it's broken up into smaller pieces it is easier to keep focussed on the topic at hand.  Plus knowing who was doing the explaining was very helpful when figuring out how to apply it to myself or my Dom.  The writing is as close to professional as one might expect from talented amateurs.  Very well executed!

- Overall reaction
Overall, extremely impressed.  This is my primer, my M/s 101, my just-starting-out bible.  Please, please get this book if you have any interest - personal or clinical - in TPE-type relationships.  Really the only thing stopping me from that last half-cock was the very occasionally sloppy presentation - including their blog entries was inspired but taught me nothing and weren't particularly fascinating.  Your Mileage May Vary.  All in all, I have no hesitation at all in stating - an absolutely brilliant read.  

4.5 out of 5 cocks!

 

 

 

Buy this book if:

• You'd like to learn how to build your vanilla relationship into a kinky one, or your kinky relationship into TPE or 24/7.
• You have always been curious about the interpersonal dynamics between a real life M/s couple.
• You want to learn about the psychological side of a 24/7 or TPE relationship.
• You are a mental health or counselling professional who would like or needs to know more about these sorts of relationships in a real world, rather than clinical, context. 

This Curious Human Phenomenon, by Peter Masters

Description from Amazon:

The actual mechanics of much of BDSM---otherwise known as S&M or leather---is well-documented in numerous how-to books, various movies, and numerous novels. It is often seen as kinky sex, and is commonly portrayed as involving skin-tight black leather clothing, chains, ropes, and nude or semi-nude participants writhing in delicious erotic ecstasy while being flogged or whipped by domineering "masters" and "mistresses". 

And maybe this is what it is to many of the people involved. And, in fact, it doesn't really sound half bad. 

But there's much more to it than this. In reality there are wants, needs, and hungers being explored and satisfied by BDSM participants which often they aren't even aware of themselves. 

"This Curious Human Phenomenon" looks under the hood to find out what's really going on, at why people "do" BDSM, at what makes it so enticing, at what needs it meets, and at why these can't readily be met elsewhere. 

This is not a how-to book. Instead, it is designed to be a bridge to understanding for people who want to take their BDSM to that mythical "next step".

Amazon lists this title as being available in paperback and Kindle format.  I read it on my Kindle.

Wow.  This is a godsend for readers like me, who enjoy not only the fiction side of things, but also non-fiction, instructional, and reference type books on the same subject (kink).  Masters has created a Kinky Psychology 101, and there's a lot of fascinating anthropology in there too.  Loving the intellectual challenge!

There is some basic stuff in there, so if you're a tertiary student of psych and/or anthropology, you may not get as much out of it as an uneducated (but intelligent) reader like myself.  But that's not to say that the basic stuff isn't interesting - it makes points that I already knew about, but applies them in ways that I hadn't even considered!  BDSM has never been this enlightening.

If you are a sub who wonders "Why do I do this?", or a Dom who thinks, "Am I a bad person?", then you may just gain validation from this book.  It goes into why we do What It Is That We Do, and how it is simply a product of our conditioning, environment, and personal definition of enjoyment and satisfaction that leads us down this garden path of ours - not any predisposition to harrassment or self-injury, as some are likely to think.

As the synopsis above states, this is *not* a how-to book.  You won't find guides in here, and if you are attempting any of the danger-play Masters describes then you had better bloody well buy a book that actually tells you how.  Masters will, however, tell you why - and that is something no book I have ever read before has ever attempted to do.

Bonus points for being written by an Aussie!  How refreshing!  :)

Four and a half cocks!!!

Buy this book if:

• You need to explain to someone, to whom you have just come out, why you are the way you are, or to help convince a dubious vanilla partner that it really is okay to be this way (Note: not the same as trying to "convince" someone to be kinky with you - IMO, never a great idea).
• To give to parents and friends who just don't know what to think of your lifestyle choices.
• You have ever asked yourself, or others, those deep questions that plague some kinksters for years: Why am I like this?  Am I still a good person?
• You like an intellectual challenge - this book can pry your mind wide open, if you let it.

Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus, by Christina Abernathy

Description from Amazon.com:

Combines Miss Abernathy’s Concise Slave Training Manual and Training With Miss Abernathy in one deluxe volume for the first time. In 1996, Christina Abernathy condensed her considerable wisdom and experience on the topic of consensual erotic owner/slave relationships into her first slim, elegant little manual; Miss Abernathy’s Concise Slave Training Manual. In 1998, in response to consumer demand, she laid out a detailed program for training the erotic slave in various aspects of service, obedience and proper values, Training With Miss Abernathy. These two books have become essential guidebooks to practitioners of consensual dominance and submission. Replete with updated resources and references, Erotic Slavehood will take its place among the basic BDSM reference manuals. 

Amazon lists this book as available in Kindle, Hardcover and Paperback formats.  I own it in paperback.  I bought it from Maxx Black sex shop. 

 This is a fantastic book.  I can't stress that enough.  The first half, Miss Abernathy’s Concise Slave Training Manual, has a lot of information my Dom has used to get inside the mind of a slave or submissive (it is obviously directed towards the M/s dynamic but can be useful to D/s practitioners also).  It has a casual, almost conversational tone, and is easy to read and take in.  Miss Abernathy knows her stuff!

EDIT: I have just re-read the first half, as my Dom is also doing, and must enthuse once again over just how useful this manual is.  Novice Doms would benefit immensely from this book, I imagine, as it has a lot of info in there on "how to be a Dom" that I have not read anywhere else (including on forums supposedly aimed at this very readership).  Very highly recommended, if not mandatory, reading for all novice Doms.

The second half, Training With Miss Abernathy, is even more exciting (for me as a sub, at least).  It is a training manual with lessons, homework and research recommendations.  A slave/sub can follow the lesson plan (with the help of their Master/Dom) and come out the other end much improved, and with a lot to think about.  Future punishments could even include re-reading lessons and reading or re-reading every research recommendation made, to drill it into them.

I love a good instructional, and this one exceeded my expectations in a lot of ways.  At the time I originally read it, it did disappoint me slightly, but that was mainly because there is a lot of non-sexual training in there too (sad face for sub-frenzied novices).  This, of course, is extremely useful, and the rigid Master will require all lessons to be completed before the slave frenzies off to the next one.

A must for all subs/slaves, even the unowned, and Masters/Doms who admire a high level of training in their slaves/subs.

Five cocks!  Great stuff!

Buy this book if:

• You have any interest at all in service or mastery, from either side of the equation.
• You are relatively new to the lifestyle, and need to know that there are some established ways to gain control over your s-type.
• You are unowned, and want to learn more about the lifestyle without having to wait for your D-type to come along.
• You have been in a relationship for a while, and want some new ideas about how to train your s-type.